R.O.F.L. (Reach Out For Love)

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What's up everybody? Welcome to our show about motivation and being yourself. That's right. What

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does our o l

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reach out for love show about motivation and love being yourself being yourself. Be yourself a baller and

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that's awesome. I love that.

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I'm sure right now. I'm feeling pretty good. I'm saying it like they can see us but it's like I literally have my feet kicked off. Yeah, we're all pretty chill. I'm here on my day off so it's

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a nice day. Actually outside. It's getting colder for sure. Outside it. Might you know

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this for sure. It will be 40 degrees tomorrow.

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No.

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During the day or at night. Tomorrow, they

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said during the night. Okay. It's definitely going to get a little bit. The weather for Halloween will get a little bit tiny.

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Yeah, a little cooler. Yeah, I was thinking about that. So when I was a kid growing up in Washington State, like you could really time the seasons to certain like specific dates almost. And it was always you knew was the end of summer in the beginning of fall because of like, strictly the weather would always change on Halloween. Yeah. Or like that. Yeah, it was always done. Yeah. So that's how we're a little bit more inland but it's still it still carries. It just takes a little time for the weather to match.

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It's been trying to it's been taking longer time this month. So it's been like really late and 90 degree weather.

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I hope it means that we end up getting spring earlier. Like if we can get spring, actually in March. Like let's go spring

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and summer. Yeah, I know. I do not like winter. Winter

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is not good to me. Mentally. Autumn typically is in

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Vegas. It's just cold. It's just cold inside.

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It's a bitter, we get bitter colds. You know, people don't really think about it because we don't get snow. We get like that wind is nasty in January. Well, yeah,

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it's cold outside sometimes, like I guess like when the weather wants to be like, very random. But inside it's always cold in Vegas, because they've always got an AC go. So that's why

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make people sick. It's not the weather. It's like,

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it's good. It's too cold. It's like your body doesn't Yeah, exactly.

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Like where I work and the new station like they always had need to keep all the equipment. Super cool. Yeah. And the databases and everything. Right?

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That makes sense. But you're also working in the same space. So you're like,

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rather than people who are constantly sick because of the how cold it is? No,

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I feel you I have I'm prone to allergies, regardless of the climate. So

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what are some new things that you've had for yourself this month, like new things like because you look really like happy and your energy's like, really wholesome, what are some things that you've been working on yourself,

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I'm letting myself have meltdowns. And when I need to, I need to do that. Because like, they're gonna be nasty with me and Bosma talked about this, like, they're going to be nasty and kind of embarrassing, and seem like, quote unquote, a lot. But like they're necessary, especially for me learning a lot about Yeah, very likely, like being on the spectrum, very likely being strongly neurodivergent for a variety of reasons and factors and knowing that it's normal for when I'm feeling overstimulated, and overloaded. Oh, yeah, just let

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it happen. No matter if you're on Spectrum, not spectrum where every human being everyone

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has limits period and like they're meant to be like, when you find a limit, it's not like, Oh, it's a challenge. I'm gonna break it. It's like, no, it's it's it's healthy. I mean, yeah, we all we all have personal strengths, weaknesses, proclivities, you know, we just need to be more attuned to caring about ourselves, like care about ourselves juxtaposed to the way that the world doesn't care and pushes us to not care about ourselves. It's like, I love that. Yeah, so that's part of it. Also. Last week, I established a bit more, I wouldn't say strict but like, affirm, work life balance boundaries we were talking about last week because I had been in the habit and feeling I had to stay late during my normal workdays to make sure everything gets done. But I was not giving myself enough free time in my personal life. I was I was like, running myself ragged, not getting enough sleep. And I struggled with that, by default anyway, so I wasn't helping myself. Yeah, I wasn't helping myself. Anyway. I'm also a little bit behind the eight ball getting stuff done. And that needs to be done for tonight? Well, that's

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because there's always things that need to get done. And there's people with different needs in this industry at least, that they're going to keep coming over to you, les Wesley. And he does it was leaning that and it's like, show business. So you got to keep it going. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 5:14
it's an I have to, I've found that I need to be more confident. And like, I'm saying kindly, assertive of being like, like, here's my responsibilities, and here's what my duties are. And I take them, I take them the appropriate amount of serious, like, I'm never gonna take anything super serious. It's always gonna be a little bit silly.

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Are you also like,

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take it serious enough? Like, yeah, like, like, You're too silly to say exactly. It's like, I'm not going to I'm not going to over exert myself on my regular days. But I'm, so I'll take an extra day like today to make sure everything is done, right. But I'm also going to be a bit more at my own pace. I'm not gonna give myself a hard time and feel like I have to all I have to do all this. No, yeah, I'm gonna help it's not gonna help me. The more I the more I overthink, the more I think I have to do everything, quote, unquote, efficiently. The more I'm gonna get analysis, paralysis and like decision paralysis, struggle to do normal things. And I can't do that. Like, it's not functional. For me. It's unhealthy for me. And it doesn't. It doesn't help anybody else.

Unknown Speaker 6:18
I think I've been going through analysis paralysis this whole month. Yeah. And it feels good to say that out loud. Yeah. Somebody told me that term the other day, and I was like, What is this analysis? Paralysis? Yeah, it's like when you allergy man. Yeah. It's like when you feel everything all at once. And then you're just like, overwhelmed with every little thing and oversensitive about every little thing that you do say what people say.

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And you're self aware, at least for me, I'm hyper self aware and self conscious about that happening in that moment, too. That's what I can feel. Yeah. So

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usually, like, catch it by yourself, though. Like, someone has to point it, I've had to train

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myself to like, when I said it was like self therapy stuff. It's taking what I've learned during my time, with a regular therapist, and then what I've had to learn more for myself, when I've, in the years, since having a regular one. I've had to figure out how to help myself in the right ways. Without like, going down, like, I think it's helping is like actually, buddy here, like, ruining your life. And we have to learn these things. You know, it's that's the unfortunate part is we kind of have to run into these situations. To learn better. Yeah, fortunate? Yeah.

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Like, I just started the new job like a month ago with the new 3am. Schedule. And I'm, I'm, I'm having a hard time adjusting

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every adjustment to that's not like a normal work schedule. Yeah,

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I'm trying really hard. Like, like, you know, my friendships are really important to me. My family is really important to me, like my mom. And then like, you know, just like working, of course, so I can pay all my bills and I can function as a human. Yeah, right. And then on top of that, my own goals and hobbies, like everything, we have basic needs basic ones. Yeah, but with the new job, it's like I'm having a hard time like just gripping it and taking control on it, firmly grasp it. Yeah. And sleeping. I haven't been getting enough sleep, guys, please do. But I will. And it makes me feel good seeing you, you know, happy. And it's

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funny. Maria brings that up, because we've been talking about that. Like, how many broadcasts have we mentioned sleep guys.

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So this is the this, these are those times that I always think of Alice from Alice in Wonderland, the, the paraphrase that I always get wrong of basically, I give people great advice, and never follow it for myself. Yeah,

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and we touched upon that too. last broadcast, I think, you know, what works for one person doesn't work for the other because of that scheduling, also likes and dislikes, what's like another way that we can find or learn more about ourselves, aside from going out, and actually doing things and then also obviously resting and taking care of yourself. And

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so I think in between being like actively doing the in the most external ways and then resting I think in between that is whatever we do in life, whether it's, you know, being busy with work, or own personal interests, and hobbies and those things, is to kind of, like, connect with ourselves and and learn how to kind of be a bit more introspective, just in general, not to take not to, like dissociate and take us away from life. But like, kind of being acutely aware of, of like, the fact that we're like, in these moments throughout our day and just kind of Yeah,

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like having I guess, like we can use the buddy system for that because they can point out to us, like, for example, I was having conversation with Maria the other day, and I was telling her I was like, I growing up, I had a difficult time realizing little things and habits about myself that were actually hurting me, and were like taking me away from being myself because I was trying to hide certain parts of myself. You

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were probably in some state of like be having a maladaptive behavior or like struggling in survival mode for some reason like, right. Yeah. And you never know. Yeah, there's probably like dysregulated and didn't even have the, the, the knowledge or the vocabulary to for the

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DIS regulation. Yeah,

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that's a nervous system. And I

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want to say, I'm just gonna be honest, I went to therapy last week. On Monday. I really needed that it was my everybody needs. That week, man. Oh, my goodness. I had a situation with a tow truck and it Oh, no regulated. We're just like you to the core. Or I still feel it. I feel like I don't think Leslie

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knows anything about the tow truck. Okay.

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No, the second use a tow truck. I was like, anything. Unless you're operating the tow truck, and it's like your job, you probably don't have a good relationship because

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like the regulation Yeah, like, it could be like something so stressful. And your whole like body just like becomes very stressed. And like you're in survival mode and you're just trying to regulate your whole nervous so I had to go to therapy for like just something so small kid like, just put you off guard for the whole week.

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Because what happens is we like we slowly kind of build up over time when as we like live life and things like low key bother us and we just have to like, soldier through it. Whatever be be tough about it. Stupid. Stupid.

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I'm gonna say tow companies are like, the

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worst. That one was

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lied to you. If you if you guys ever get I'm just wanna I just want to tell the story. Really? Let her tell the story. But if you guys, we

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have a 14 minutes.

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I just want to say before you sell the story, yeah. If you guys ever get towed, and they say oh, it could be cheaper in like two more days from now. Don't do it. They are they're tricking you. Okay, I just want to say that. And

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if they ever say we towed your car, please, please make sure you ask them which car? Was it that you towed? wasn't mine. Literally. Okay, so what happened when we went to the Renaissance Festival? It was so fun. We had a great time. We really need that, you know, with our friendship, like I love going out with her, you know, with bossman going to different events. So we really needed that. It was a lot of fun. Belly dancing and everything. After after the belly dancing I suck at belly No, no,

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my friend my friend was like you were moving your whole body. What

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were you doing your best.

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And I was over there like

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you are you used to it. Have you done that? But I don't know what happened. I was just a fancy person.

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I think she actually has a super

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fancy but I just looked like a dork the whole time. No, I think that was me. I was that was me jam. And that was me Jim Taylor Swift earlier this morning. Oh, I didn't know I came out. The Taylor version came out this morning. So I was like I gotta James.

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Wesley said There's a new movie for he said, Yeah, the concert concert.

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Yeah, I saw it opening night it was banger. Did you know you were a Taylor Swift Fan? Yeah, I'm becoming one because my best friend is. He's, he and I've been. I've always like, ever since like, the first day of our friendship. We've always like, always, like clicked on music and all this stuff. And it's like, you would never guess given like all the stuff we listened to because it's like, alternative and punk rock and like hip hop and like all this stuff. And we can go it can get pretty insane. Like we just saw we saw death metal band last week. It can go like quite literally everywhere. Yeah,

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Maria want to go see Ed Sheeran. They're so expensive. The tickets aren't that bad right now actually, for like the really tops top rows.

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Yeah, but you're getting nosebleeds though. Oh, what? That's what you would get?

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No way.

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That's why they're so cheap. It's because they're like, low visit not like low visibility, but you're gonna be like away from this.

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Oh, 45 to $60 with taxes all the way at the top. Oh, and then the 144 to $200. Sounds fine.

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Okay, so how tell us what's the story? So

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basically, what happened is, we had a lot of fun went to the Renaissance Fair after the renaissance fair. Okay, we parked at a spot when we were McDonald's. We parked behind McDonald's and they have this sign that says, you know, don't do that. Don't

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do Don't.

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Don't do that. Like literally don't do it.

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They had they had temporary signs.

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So they put it up. And anyways, you could park there and then all of a sudden you can't so I told Bosma because we came in two different cars, but he'd always go in one car. carpool. That's another lesson that we learned way easier. So anyways, after the event around the Renaissance Fair. They almost told bossman

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that we were we were only there for two hours. interiors, and I'm like, my feet hurt. Let's go. And then Maria's like, oh, I wanted to stay. I was like, It's okay. We can stay. But your feet hurt. So she was a good friend and we were leaving. Yes. And then I finally get to my car. And then Maria is like, Where's my car? Oh,

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my car is your car and see my car and they almost towed Bosmans car. I was like, Basma, go get your car and our friend Nick. Actually, I

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like make eye contact with the guy that was gonna told me and I was like, driving away my car. He was driving in and I was dragging out all time. Yeah.

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So I was left alone, because they had to go pick up next car, and he parked somewhere else too. So we were all scared about the tow truck. So I was there alone. And it

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was my other friend, by the way.

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By context, I would figure like a stranger,

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just in case, you know, yeah. If you're like me, and you don't really pay attention, whatever.

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Same and then, um, basically what happened was the tow truck driver that looked at Bosma looked at me and was like, we towed your car. Yeah, he straight up and then straight up just told me and then I was like, Wait a second. What? What? You tow my car. And then all of a sudden my body because of how exhausted I am from the new job, and I was just trying to balance everything out. You know, she slaps his eye to the grind screen. This is gonna because he's like, he's like, you're not new. Like Sorry, I just think it's so funny again, because he's like, who's ice cream? So I told her he was okay, we got ice cream and

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like he was eating he was eating that ice cream in such a good way. people's days. It was like

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yeah, my my blood was boiling to the core. You're

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like you like grab his ice cream? Because

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his whole ice cream just went to the floor. And I grabbed the ice cream cone

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buddy, oh, no, I got worse. It got worse. So

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hold on. I wasn't there. So I drive my other friend to go find. So Maria is over here like slop and ice cream out.

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And I was exhausted. You're a little crazy. And I was really you know, this is why do therapy.

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Part and parcel I just take people's ice cream and I'm mad, you know? Yeah.

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You know, and, and what happened after that was actually a bit bad. What happened was he he got really upset and he's like, you assaulted me and I you know, and then right there. Yeah, ice cream. But please don't do this. But I did apologize to that, man. And I was like, I'm sorry, sir. I just reacted. I've been really tired. And he didn't even

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know which car was Maria's car. Exactly. He was just being a jerk for no reason.

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He didn't even know that it was my credit that he took anyways. So because I slammed the ice cream to the ground which please guys, let's regulate our emotions. Let's not do that. Yeah. He took my keys. He took my keys and he threw them across the McDonald's restaurant in front of all of these kids. Y'all

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literally had like a stoner comedy moment. Yeah, I did. It was terrible. My car but they caught the guy in the act of taking the car. Yes.

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Oh my gosh, terrible at the moment it felt traumatic right. Yeah, like nouns are

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not there right? Yeah. So like

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know the idea of like losing something that you absolutely like right need and require right to survive. Yeah. No, I know. Like

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you mentioned someone grabbing your keys and throwing them across but the McDonough was like you'd be horrified. lost. I lost everything. I love my mind. Yeah. I was so deregulated Yeah. In that moment. I

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felt like fight. Fight Fight. Oh,

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it was fight mode. Let me tell you that. Fight

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mode. He's wearing razzle dazzle this fall. He's the one who instigated What do you mean, you took my car brag about enjoying that ice cream? Yeah. It was wasn't.

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And I was crying. I was I remember. I was just crying the whole time. And I was just like, you know, where's my car? So we went to the Yes, yeah. Yeah,

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yeah. No, I can I can just I can picture it. I

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was just crying. And I was having a really bad day. I was having a great day. Yeah. Oh, she followed

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where she was having so much. I doesn't those are first time there was my first time yeah, she was. I'm a renaissance. She like goes from like the best day ever to like the worst ever. Yeah. And

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what was crazy and it was just so it was so weird. So we went to the tow truck company.

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And then I'm like, Okay, I'm going to try to like haggle with these guys. I'm gonna get her to get her card from It's

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cheaper. Crying in the car. Like they weren't like 300

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bucks. I was like, No, Maria. We're not paying to serve.

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Good for you. You understand? You're like, No, this is not necessary.

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Yeah. And then we went not necessary. It's

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unnecessary. Yeah. mumble a little bit. I said unnecessary. I heard

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that. It's okay. Sorry. That's my loyals. And it's my listening skills actually. Just like this. But we tried to like lower they didn't lower they lied to me and then to my face and my friends like, No, you're getting the card today. And then we realize they don't have her car. And we're like,

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the whole time the whole time. And then how so? Well, we were

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at the tow truck company dirt lot for a whole hour and a whole hour looking for my car. I'm like, Where's my car? That man that that threw my keys and I still like go home and the whole ice cream splashed to the floor. Where's my car like, and because the police actually show I forgot to tell you mention that. Because he was so angry. There was a dispute thing. The police showed up and told

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me that know that the police was already there because it's the secure. Yeah, so they saw they saw what went on. I saw

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that assault ice cream there. I almost thought I went to jail. When you're mocking me I cannot I physical.

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The costs are cool. They were like, Nah, you're good. You're good. Because the guys the guy think they knew the guy was being a jerk.

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He was being a jerk to a couple of people. So anyways, I'm isolated

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incident. Interesting. drive back. It's

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like we're finally done with the tow company. They like we're being jerks was there there too. So yeah, so where's your car?

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So so so we were looking for the car. We're like, Okay, let's go back. I was like, let's go back. Maybe your cars. Yeah, maybe I'm like, maybe we didn't see it or so. I was like, This man is doing this on purpose. He's just, you know, taking my car to like a different location. And just to get me back. Yeah, exactly. Did he hide my car? What happened? Right? So we went back, we're like driving back. And then bossman was like, use your paper, use your paper, you know,

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and then all of a sudden, like a far distance we are discussing. And then I'm like, I look at her and she looks at me and then we're like, are we hallucinating? I was like we're not hallucinating. This is actually a thing that's going

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on. It was great. And then we finally found it and I was hugging my car. Was it I you know how much for granted? We take our cars

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on question. Was it where you left it?

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Oh, it wasn't. It wasn't work. Bosma parked her car behind the McDonald's. It was she find that she parked next to me? Yeah, I thought I parked next year because because

Unknown Speaker 22:36
your child was holding a parking spot for him. Yes. She expected herself to park next because she said over the phone. Hey, uh, come parked right next to me. But she didn't remember that she parked somewhere else. So then so make sense. Because when I got there, it doesn't make

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sense. Because this entire time you had been sleep deprived. So you're Yeah, you're gonna like lose?

Unknown Speaker 22:55
Yeah, I was dehydrated. Listen, to listen to this. Okay, yeah, I was dehydrated. Yeah, I was sleep deprived. I was also emotional because I was going through a lot of mental issues like, in my relationships, like, dating stuff.

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For more than three weddings, but you know, it's just like, hung. I

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told her containing and expressing multitudes. Yeah, but it's okay.

Unknown Speaker 23:19
Oh, yeah, it's okay. No, like, yeah, like everybody goes through something similar.

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Just having a bad time. Yeah. Because she was yeah,

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it's a no sleep really. Thing I get so Exactly. Here's

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the thing that I learned in therapy that next that Monday that I went to therapy to regulate my emotions. My therapist was like, next time this situation happens where your blood boils, use the halt method. Paul says, are you hungry? Are you alone? Are you angry? Are you angry? Thank you. Are you lonely? And are you tired? So those four things can

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really well for those things so frequently?

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Very angry. What? Are you hungry? Are you angry? Angry? Lonely? Are you lonely? And I was what's the use Dan? Oh, H O H A L

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running out of time.

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Anyways guys, please go to therapy. halted

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and halt halt is halt is hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Yeah. Ask yourself those things to help

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next time.

Unknown Speaker 24:45
So I just want to say before we leave for today, the halt method. The way I do it is I don't really sit there and think halt or just be like, Am I overreacting right now. And then I stay quiet. And then I'm like, Let me think about With this person you

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know when when I when you guys left to go help Nick with the car. Yeah. When you feel like lonely in that moment where you

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feel like you never left her now.

Unknown Speaker 25:12
I'm not saying that to make you feel bad. I'm saying like I did

Unknown Speaker 25:22
exactly. I'm just saying like, when you are like, in general alone in a place where you don't feel safe all that goes it's like you're in survival mode and you forget

Unknown Speaker 25:35
Yeah. Your brain like loses temporarily like conscious. No. Well, it's I would say it's more so like your your brain is in one in such a state that it temporarily like forgets slash can't access like its typical neural pathways and like, ways of responding to

Unknown Speaker 25:55
stops can that's why I got blurry. I literally I want to get angry. Like, in that moment. I got so blurry vision. Yeah. So yeah, like, I was scared.

Unknown Speaker 26:03
I feel like everybody goes through that in some degree. Like, I feel like the last time something similar to that happened to me. I was I just realized after that, that I'm never going to let that happen again, because I felt like whatever I did in that moment, everyone around me wasn't really like there to protect me in a way because it's like, you're by yourself. So now whenever I'm like getting to that level of like, upset feeling now I'm just like, oh, no, I'm not gonna let that happened. Again, like, you have to trust yourself. It's not even a specific memory. It's just like a feeling. That's what

Unknown Speaker 26:36
your body remembers. Yeah, like your body. Like there's a book The Body Keeps the Score. Because like, quite quite literally, that's that's the physical that's the physical reality of like trauma and right and like, having issues with your nervous system and like, the way that your mental emotional interacts like happens all within that.

Unknown Speaker 26:54
Yeah, that's why trauma and understanding your trauma also is a good way for you to understand what works for you and what doesn't work.

Unknown Speaker 27:01
Yeah. And it also is meant to be very like empathic empathizing with other people. It's supposed to be a lot of people get like, kind of too wrapped up in their own stuff to remember that other people can be just as, like, complex complex.

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Right, right. Everybody else? Yeah, that's true. 100%

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gonna wind it down a little bit, because

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we're, yeah, we're about to end the podcast anyways. Yeah, I gotta get back to editing. So yeah, honestly, the only way to find yourself is by knowing your trauma, getting your wrist, going out, finding what you like, doing new things, finding your peaceful spots, like you guys said, You guys went to nature. You just like take it in. I know me personally. If I was in nature, I'd be like, Yeah, I'd be feeling that loneliness that Holt thing that you mentioned. That's, that's, that's something where I'll be like, I'm alone right now. And I'm in my thoughts. I don't want to be here by myself. Sometimes

Unknown Speaker 27:52
being alone with my thoughts is great. And then sometimes, the last place I want to be exactly

Unknown Speaker 27:56
yeah, you got to ask yourself, Am I hungry? Should I call a friend you know, just to make it better? Just know

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the time in place? Like, is it the time and place for me to be alone? Is it the time and place for me to be? I guess the time in place matters a lot to honestly,

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context is like the more context you can give yourself the better. Yeah,

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and how can I trust myself and make sure that each time that this happens, I could better regulate myself and have better situations and at

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the same time, you're also like building that skill set at the same time. So it's gonna take reps you know, you're gonna get a little further every single time the ups and downs are natural. You know, the talk goes. The fantastic, really great. Therapeutic. Yeah. It was nice having everybody here. Yeah.

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Thanks, guys for listening, and we hope that you find yourselves and everything that works for you. Honestly, don't

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be silly today.

Unknown Speaker 28:48
I let you know let's go around the circle. I like to be silly. Do a little

Unknown Speaker 28:51
bit of good trouble. Treat yourself. Okay, look yourself an ice cream.

Unknown Speaker 28:59
Ice cream sounds good. Thanks for watching. rfl reaching out for love.

Unknown Speaker 29:08
If you want to check us out. Please go to Bosma tea at Instagram.

Unknown Speaker 29:11
See you guys later.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai