R.O.F.L. (Reach Out For Love)

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What's up everybody? Welcome to R.O.L.L.

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R.O.L.L.

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The show about motivation and being yourself.

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That's right. What does R.O.L.L.

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I'm sorry.

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Bye mama. Reach out for love. The show about motivation and love. Being yourself. Being yourself. How do you be yourself?

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I don't know.

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Let's find out.

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We got our background music. What's up? We got Wesley in the house. Wes, what's up? Thanks Wes for coming by. Maria's not feeling so well. For those of you who are new to the show, this show is about motivation and being yourself. All right, so Wesley. Yes. Today we're going to talk about your purpose and finding your purpose in life. So for those of you who don't know Wesley is an engineer currently in the studio And I just dragged him into this conversation for the show So like when you talk to yourself Because everyone's I talk to myself a lot actually yeah Do you tell yourself what you can or cannot do do you hold yourself back? Yeah? Oh, yeah, totally

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I used to say that I'm really good at making bad habits and really bad at making good habits. It's kind of having a keen amount of self-awareness to be like, in the moment, what is working for me and what isn't working for me, or even better, especially with coping mechanisms, some stuff will, they're all maladaptive because like, they're disorders, they're issues. I only in the last several years have really become my own advocate for giving myself like the grace and the breathing room and the forgiveness to like make mistakes.

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So yeah.

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So, so your beauty in the struggle is basically allowing yourself to have that room to to just grow and make those mistakes.

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Yeah, yeah.

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Do you do that privately or do you like, like, do you, for example, like, let's say you said something in front of someone, right? And then they criticized you. Like, do you go internalize that later? Or like, how does that work?

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Well, it depends on what it is. Um, a lot of the time I can, like, I can shrug off, I can shrug off like, um, passive aggressive comments like nobody's business. Right, right. But like, if it's something that sticks with me and like hurts, hurts, um, I will definitely, the next time I'm in the shower, be thinking back through whatever it was and I don't want to say like ruminating, but kind of on On like Why would they say that? What? I would try to I would try to be thinking about it from both perspectives like Where where are they coming from and then what about me would have brought that on or like...

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Oh, so you really care about like other people.

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Oh, I'm very empathetic.

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Because I can't even remember the last time I was just ruminating by myself thinking, why would they do that to me? Because I feel like I've done that so much as it like, when I was younger, that now that I'm older, I'm like, I'm not wasting my time on that. I'm not even gonna worry about it. Because it's like, they said what they said.

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And that's a learned skill too. Oh, really? It's so yeah, because it's so hard sometimes these things like when the things we hear mimic or echo in our head, our inner critic and we don't realize it, like if they don't realize it obviously they're not in our heads, but like when they happen to hit those notes it's like it hurts in a different way because it gets right to the core of you and they had no idea. Maybe that was their intention if they're really being rude but like they're honestly like boring a bit of a hole is like dang

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I also feel like a lot of people that criticize us This is just my own life experiences a lot of those people actually wanted the best for me like yeah Yeah, they wanted to see me succeed, but they just criticized like I remember this one person She was just like Bosnia. Why don't you just get this done by just buying a camera? It's not that hard I want you to do it. Yeah, why don't you just go do it? I was like I was like wow I guess I never thought of it that way.

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You have anxiety? Why? Why? What do you need? What do you need to be anxious about? You have everything you need.

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Why are you anxious? Yeah. At the same time, failure, like failing at certain things like that is part of life and we learn from it. And then we, we ended up growing from that and it turns into our success. That's why they say there's beauty in the struggle and ugliness in the success. Cause like you're struggling, but you're building memories, parts of yourself as a person.

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Yeah, you're maturing and growing, yeah, definitely.

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Turning into who you want to be.

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Yeah, yeah. For me, I have difficulty with long-term anything, like long-term goals and ideas and all this stuff. When I was a senior in high school you're gonna college University yeah college job what are you gonna do and I was like and this is the I hate this question so much what's your five-year plan I hate it I don't know I don't I see yes you know and I hated it because like good question I have to look into that right see like you would be like oh I don't know. Because when that kind of a big question is kind of brought to me, I'm thinking like, oh man, I was supposed to already be prepared. You know what I mean?

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And you know what's funny? Because growing up, I realized I should have just thought of it the way you thought of it. Because nothing I planned, well, a lot of what I planned happened, but it didn't go the way I planned. Because, yeah, you know what I mean? Like you can never really

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plan what's going to happen. No, so that's why when I my answer that question was about as basic as you can get. She was like, what's your five year plan? I was like, I'm gonna go to college and get a degree and then get a job. And then get a job. And that was it. She was like, well, what do you want to do? I'm like, I don't know. I wasn't comfortable saying I don't know. I was just so fed up with being surrounded by people that either said they that whether or not it was true but this is what they were telling people right that they knew what they wanted and they had this whole plan or they had either they had a five-year plan or They were so self-assured and I was like and I was like no like y'all are lucky that you have like rich parents So that we're talking about privilege because yeah, yeah, you are correct. Yeah No big that is a big part of it And so from what I knew a lot of those people cuz I grew up and went to school in in Boulder City

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Shout out. I'm imagining you guys are like super young when you're talking about this like when they ask you your five-year goal

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We are 17. Oh, you know the senior senior. It's like it's like still finding yourself. Oh, yeah Yeah, it's even harder. They asked me how grown we think we are at 17 18. Yeah And like no way dude I wasn't I didn't feel like I I don't first off I'm 28 right now and I don't feel like me too oh my god 28 buddy oh yeah we're not we're not adults right like you can see through the window that you can see through the window I have plushies on my desk I have Pokemon plushies on my desk at my office at my work which plushies do you have oh he's got like it's uh it's It's Espeon and Yamper. I can't see them from here. Yeah, it's Espeon and Yamper and Sirfetch'd.

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Yeah, there's a couple. You were saying about how they asked you that question and then you got really frustrated.

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I got frustrated because it was like, I don't like being put in positions where I feel like there was an expectation that I was already supposed to know something. I don't like that feeling of being out of the loop when it comes to like important stuff.

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You know that feeling of disappointment you had there? I had that when I got older because like they put in my head whatever you imagine is going to happen.

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I was like, oh yes!

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You have to have money.

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The only reason I'm going to be straight up, the only reason I was able to go to college, go to UNLV, get my degree from this college actually, word up to Greenspun, got my bachelors in journalism and media studies. But yeah, I just feel like we find our purpose at our own time and they told me that whatever you imagine is going to happen, which maybe it will, but not at the time that I expected. Yeah, no, the time frame never works out. Five years out of high school, I had graduated. It took all five years, actually, because I changed my major. So my first year...

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Were you comfortable with changing your major?

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Yeah, well, by the time I did, so...

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What was your first major?

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My first major, my first semester, I was in education. Because I didn't know what I wanted to declare, and I was so... This is how simple my thinking has always been about these things. That's good. It depends on your state of mind here, because my thing was like, well, I've been in school my whole life. My life has revolved around doing well in school so I could get to college, get this GPA, get all this stuff. I just stuck with school. I know school. I'll just do in charge of secondary education. Why not? I just came out of high school. I could teach high school. Right. Into whatever. I did that. Then my first semester, made a friend that way. We're not friends anymore, but made a college, my time in college when we were friends, made a friend that way, so that was cool. Then my second semester, I was like, I'm not doing education, I'll do something else. I went undeclared for a semester. And then my beginning of my second year of college, I was like journalism. And I was thinking it's going back to like, oh, your whole life you've just been reading or you've been good with like words and language and whatever Right. So I had the best teacher I ever had and Major shout out to anyone who hears this who had any point in time went to Boulder City High School You know who I'm about to talk about Miss Ringen the best or just either miss Ringen or just Ringen. She did not do mrs Even though she was married. She hated it. She was like old school 60s hippie feminist she didn't she didn't deal with it right and she was one of the only like and this is gonna be sound super sad but she was one of the only adults around me especially in school that I when they told me that they cared and when they told me that they like believed in me that I actually believed them you know it wasn't because of an obligation she genuinely right because she meant it she genuinely meant she was she was not the message. She wasn't a BS er by any stretch of the means so she She when she said it it meant something so I was just thinking like what do I do? and I was thinking I don't want to do English cuz like Like that that it gets flowery and and and prissy and I want that so I was like journalism is cool media studies is even Better I'm a fountain of useless pop culture knowledge and information and the way out my brains absorbs my brain absorbs information about media, about like TV and movies and all this, and music and all the stuff that I love. And then I got into the journalism and started doing that. And I found out like, oh, there's radio.

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Oh, there's print.

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Oh, there's all these different, there's like TV. There's like meat, there's not media, duh, marketing. It's like all this stuff. So I did a little bit of everything, intro to all the different things. You kind of had to slash I also wanted to. And I landed on splitting my time between print and radio.

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So. Yeah, and everyone has a niche, you know, that works for them that they end up finding later. And you turn your comfortable environment to uncomfortable and then uncomfortable from uncomfortable to comfortable. So it's like a constant change. You had one comfortable environment where you chose your first degree, then you switched it up, you felt uncomfortable, you started asking questions, people started giving you different comments about who you were as a person. Right. Because there's a famous saying out there that says, the jar cannot read its label.

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You know what I mean?

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I've never heard of that. That sounds neat. Yeah, sometimes you need someone else to read your own label. You know what I mean? Yeah. You just end up learning more about yourself and being placed in a better environment for yourself. So just because you're not where you want it to be right now It doesn't mean you're not gonna get there eventually. That's true

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I mean, I would never have guessed like I it's ten years now since I've been out of high school like this past summer would have made ten years and If you told high school me like hey, you're gonna be like working at a radio station and you're gonna be like, you know They'll be like what that's so cool. Yeah, and it was like great and I mean I guess I'll manifest it now cuz like why not but like the thing I want to do in radio, more than what I am doing right now, which I enjoy, but like what I want to do, want to do, is I want to be a music director. I want to be the person that like, looks up the music, that like, finds the stuff for the playlist.

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I'm writing my number and my email right here, here you go, music director Wesley.

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Exactly, right, yeah, thank you. I know, I want to do that. Like, I like...

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Alright, let's manifest it then.

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I just love the idea of... I just love being able to share music, because, like, who doesn't like music? To whatever degree. Like, you tell me you don't like music, like, who are you? And it's just like being able to talk with people on... about things that they love and, like, relate to them through something. So, it's like you can learn a lot about somebody just from the music that they like or it's great inroads for conversation. It's just a good way to know people. Plus it's also a great way to be community oriented, which is important to me. So I like that aspect of it too.

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And also, just because you don't know your five-year goal or even if you knew your five-year goals and then you didn't end up achieving them, investing time into yourself and working your way up there, even if you're not sure where you're supposed to go or like what your passion is or what you're where you're supposed to be for Your purpose just give it some time spend time by yourself Like I said last broadcast for the last broadcast with Maria and just really ask yourself. What am I good at? What do I actually genuinely like to do?

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Yeah

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You know what? I mean cuz you know don't try to be like other people try to be like who you are like me I said, I want to be like the next Celine Dion. There you go. I'm gonna be the next version of Bosma, to be myself.

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Yeah, that's like, and I always shy away from people that say like, and it's said a lot nowadays, but like, just monetize your hobbies. Nothing kills my enjoyment of something, than feeling that like, it goes from I want to do it to I have to do it. Nothing kills it. It's like an instant light switch. I'd like, I, the second you tell me to, and again, it might just be ADHD or something.

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I feel like you like see into the future because like I ended up doing things, like I ended up working as an analyst after I graduated for my economics bachelor's and then I was like, okay, I'm gonna do this for a while. And I like, I never felt happy in that job. I just felt like, oh, I'm doing this because I'm supposed to do this and I'm supposed to make money because I need money to support my dreams you know right yeah and I had my friends supporting me being like just keep sticking through it just stay focused but I always felt like I was supposed to be somewhere else doing something else yeah so when you say like oh yeah like you saw in the future like look at me now I'm doing radio and I'm going back to school for music like you

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know what I mean you never know where you're gonna end up yeah no seriously I mean and the thing is too is like there have been multiple times in my life where I was like I was on the opposite end of the spectrum and I was dead sure that I was like there's like no future here, so I've definitely had my struggles and like been to some dark places mentally and had to scratch and claw and fight my way back but also like couldn't have done that without people around me to help pull me up and like Remind me that the like the world's a rough place But like there's a lot more like there's a lot more light in the-

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At the end of the tunnel, yes, yes. And speaking of which, you know, sometimes, like you said earlier, money, privilege, we could talk more about that in the next broadcast.

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Oh yeah, I could go on forever about that.

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Yeah, like there's a lot more we can talk about. I graduated with my master's degree in public administration and focused in non-profit management. Like I honestly, I ended up getting the master's just because I was only studying the non-profit classes and they were like, you're almost done. I was like, I might as well finish it.

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Might as well finish. Yeah, that's how I would be.

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But because I don't have really much money or resources, I get scared to get started because

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I learned that most startups actually fail. I just saw a statistic about it yesterday that was like 65 to 75% of all businesses fail within 10 years or something.

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Yeah, depending. Yeah, it's like, there's a lot of other factors. Yeah,

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there's like, yeah, and there's like different, like, so many percentage in the first year, and then the second year, and then the five years. And yeah, right. What we covered is,

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where do I belong? We cover topics like that? Where do we find our purpose? How do we find our purpose? You know, and, you know, with all those people in our life who appreciate us for being ourselves, we got to stick with those people. Yeah, you gotta find your tribe. Yeah,

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gotta find your tribe. That's what Dr. Dr. Tanya Crabb, who is on the Let's Talk UNLV show, she mentioned that to me a few months ago, randomly. We have fantastic conversations, me and her. And she was like, you got to find your tribe. And I was like, I feel like I've been doing

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that. You belong where your heart takes you, you know? And where your mind, though, too. You don't only want to just do things you love just because you love them. Try to challenge yourself and do things that you hate too, just so you can grow those weaknesses using your strengths, you know what I mean? Or vice versa.

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I would have to do that out of spite, but I can definitely do that.

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And if you're feeling like there's a void that you have in your chest that makes you feel like something's missing or that you're not where you're supposed to be or where you don't belong, sometimes you take your current situation and it makes you believe that something is possible. You feel inside, oh, okay, there's a light at the end of the tunnel, right? And if you're not where you belong, then you're going to know that. And if you're trying to live a life that wasn't meant for you, when you feel like nothing you do will help fill the void in your heart or your chest and mind, then you got to start asking yourself, where do I want to be in life? Like, if I don't know where I belong, let's make a list of things that I think would be beautiful. You know, after that list, I'll write down a list of things that make me feel happy or unhappy. Try to understand yourself. Fill your jar with knowledge and then be labeled as how the world sees you. Try to take a look at how do other people view me? After that list, write down a list of things that make you unhappy and try to see how do I not want to be viewed and why do people view me in those negative lights? The criticism you were talking about earlier. So start big with things that you think you're good at and then work your way down to things that you're not so great at or people... just figure out what's good for you, like time, spend time with your family, see what things surprise you, try to buy... see what... it's buy a pet. That was so mean.

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I thought I was going to say that.

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Buy a pet. There's so much overhead in buying a pet.

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I know, there's a lot of things to be said about that.

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I was going to say, you make that sound like it's easy. Everyone can afford a pet.

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Just stare out a window.

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Hey, if I could buy a Welsh Corgi, I would buy one in 10 seconds, but those are insanely expensive dogs.

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Stare out a window then.

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Yeah, I'll just stare out of all these windows around the office.

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Look at a pet store.

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Just go to a pet store and look through the window. Yeah, just look in the window.

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Look at the pets, you know?

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Literally me and one of my best friends, my best friend Autumn, shout out Autumn, love you dude. She would, and we still do this, she'll just be like, you wanna go on an adventure? And I was like, does the adventure involve going down to Petland near Sunset Station and playing with the dogs? She's like, yes! We will literally just do that.

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Yeah, actually that really helps you guys like sit down and reflect. Just having that moment of not being stressed out just like is super important Oh, yeah, if you're super stressed out You're not gonna know what that what you want like if you're stressing yourself out about not knowing who you are then yeah

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It's a good reset. Yeah, it's a good like head clear, you know minds mind clear

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Yeah, just you can only know so much, you know And and also having trusting relationships with people in your life that have gone through similar Circumstances like feeling like you relate to them. Sometimes that's great to have too. And also having friends who are opposite

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are great to have. Yeah, definitely. I wouldn't even think opposite as much as like complementary. Compliment. I like that. Yeah. Yeah. No. And I just say that because like I have a pretty like, I know a lot of people, sure. But like, I have a very small circle of like actual friends. And there's tons of similarity, obviously. But like, it's what it's the little unique things that make them them, that compliment me and vice versa. And like, it's kind of like, that's what really builds like the depth of friendships and relationships. Like just kind of, I don't know why, but like the last month or so, my brain keeps coming back to the phrase that people contain multitudes, you know, like we're a lot more complex than we give ourselves credit for. Maybe we can see it in others and see it in our friends, but we have a hard time seeing

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it in ourselves.

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Like you said, the thing about the jar, can't see it's own label.

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Right, right. We're going to take that away with us for this broadcast. We'll do that. So when you ask yourself, where do I belong? I'm going to let you guys leave with this one sentence. Just ask yourself that and then think to yourself, using all this knowledge that I know in this current moment, right, I'm going to assume that everything I know is enough. And I'm going to take a look at all the stuff I know about myself, and all the stuff that brings out my present individualism, and ask myself, now, where do I think I belong in this moment? And where do I see myself later, if I follow this path into my next moment, you know, who you turn into might not turn out as how you plan, but at least you have, that could be your plan, right? Would you say that that could be your five year plan?

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Yeah, I mean, just kind of go like, it's easy to go with the flow, I was just gonna say like, it's just kind of like, it's just setting yourself up, like, even in like the littlest ways you can just like setting yourself up for a positive outcome, and doing whatever whatever feels reasonable within your power. And it's, I can speak from this from experience, it's kind of surprising sometimes, like, just a couple things you can do and like where they will lead. Now, like I was saying, I have difficulties with things where it's like, oh no, you can make a bad mistake and then like ruin your whole life. Like I have that worry more than I have anything else. But like, for the strides that I have made and for the growth that I have achieved and that the places I've come now that I mean, like, I have this job, you know, right, right in this space, little accomplishments that you do. Yeah,

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on the way and then you start realizing, Oh, look at me, look at me, look at me go. Yeah.

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I did that. Yeah. I'm amazing. Right? Like, like I was saying, 10 years ago in high school, and I could tell little high school, not little, I'm the same height, but like, I'm only 5'8". I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm like, I'm perfectly average height.

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That's another topic, dude. I feel like height does not matter at all.

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No, not at all.

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But if I like, went and talked to like, 17, 16, 17 year old me, and being so nervous about the world, first off, he'd be like, where'd all your hair go? And that's one thing.

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Did you just say?

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Where'd all your hair go? Yeah, I used to have really long hair.

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Wait, wait, you said younger you would say that? Yeah, yeah. First thing 17 year old me would be

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like, where'd all my hair go? And I'm like, oh, you'll find out. Talk about criticism. Younger

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you is really critical. Yeah. Hey, man, where'd all my hair go, bro? No, because I had long hair

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from like sixth grade onwards. I mean, hair doesn't matter either. No, it doesn't, but I mean, no. I mean, I pull off the shaved bald look pretty good, so I'll take it But no anyway my my my my high school me would say that and then the other thing I would tell I would tell him Hey, dude in 10 years. You're gonna be working at a radio station, and you're gonna be a recording engineer. You would think that's Really off yeah, they'd like what yeah, and they go that would it's almost like I just wish sometimes I wish it was possible to know the great places that I could end up, not even the only one, but to actually know the positive, like long-term positive, like possible outcomes. However long it may take, there are these great things in your future, and I just wish that it was possible. I mean, I know it's not, but I just wish it was possible that You it was possible to look into the future enough to be like no There is like a positive goalpost here and here and here and here and here just to know or just to know like when there's

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a really big opportunity for you and

0:24:38
No, because like that fear of the unknown or like not being able to specifically that fear of the future is insane

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I shouldn't even be a fear because you know We have our free will for a reason like we're able to just do whatever we want and then it could turn into anything. That's true. If you want an opportunity just go out there and grab it. That's true. Well obviously not every opportunity. Right. I

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was gonna say I I'm all with you on like the the optimistic part of it. Right. But again go out there and with the free will I can do anything but also at the same time I'm like I also am terrified if I try to do anything there's a chance I

0:25:10
could end up homeless. You know what I mean? Right. Stuff like that. No yeah no I totally feel that. Yeah. And then you start thinking, do I want to go this path or that? So that's why you start asking yourself, which path do I want to take? Yeah, it becomes, that's why that path that I was talking about earlier is super important. Yeah. Like know who you are and where you want, where you think you're heading.

0:25:27
Right. Because like, it kind of ties into of like, it sucks in a sense that when it comes down to like, well, I have to make these difficult decisions. But it's almost like at some point it stops being because you love a thing and because you have to survive And when you have to do something more towards survival mode than like creative mode Then that's where I know a lot of people struggle. That's where I struggle right because if I'm if I'm if I'm If I have to do something in order to survive, but I'm not happy. I'm going to be like fatally miserable.

0:26:03
I actually love this because it's a perfect segue for the next broadcast. Next time we're going to talk about other people in your life and how you always want to help them out, but sometimes you've got to just focus on yourself and what you're able to do.

0:26:14
Yeah, have me on that one too.

0:26:16
Yeah, well that's going to be the same one as the privilege one.

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It's literally going to be our next.

0:26:20
Let's do it. I'll be on the next episode too.

0:26:22
I don't care. Thank you, Wesley, for coming by and saying hello.

0:26:25
We really appreciate it.

0:26:26
You're welcome. This is going to be really long.

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You're going to have a lot to cut.

0:26:28
Oh, I love it, I'm ready for it.

0:26:29
All right, fantastic. See, you're looking forward to something here.

0:26:32
We really appreciate everything, and thank you guys so much for listening in on this show for ROFL with Bosma and-

0:26:40
Wes, what's up?

0:26:40
What's up, Wes?

0:26:41
What's up? Have a great day, everybody, and we will see you guys later. Maria, hopefully, will be feeling better eventually, in the next few weeks.

0:26:48
Yeah, hopefully, the next episode's the three of us and not, you know.

0:26:51
Yeah, we'll have Maria on the next show. Hopefully. Okay. Thanks Wes, thanks everybody for listening and we'll see you guys later. Peace Thanks for watching ROFL reaching out for love with Thanks for watching ROFL reaching out for love with

0:27:01
If you want to check us out, please go to boss Mati at Instagram and Maria Daniela Modica at Instagram. See you guys later

Transcribed with Cockatoo