R.O.F.L. (Reach Out For Love)

Unknown Speaker 0:00
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Unknown Speaker 0:22
What's up everybody? Welcome to our show about motivation and being yourself. That's right. What

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does our O L.

Unknown Speaker 0:36
Reach out for loads show about motivation and love being yourself being yourself. Be yourself. Let's find out. What app what app went up, went up went up went up. What I let a little little went a little bit of a little

Unknown Speaker 0:55
zoom. was just telling boss before we started that I I've been multitasking and very others focused this past lifetime. But mostly in the last couple of weeks. Yes. And I was I was telling her I really could benefit from a pausing of any and all responsibilities. I have done enough adulting for a while. I would like a break. So a vacation. I would like a vacation. And I mean, I don't have to go anywhere. In fact, I don't want to go anywhere. I want to be in his mind. I want to be no in his room. Yeah, in my house. I just want to break man on Tumblr room, my Tumblr room full of vinyls in crates, and an entire physical media collection and a bunch of retro game consoles. What's uh, yeah, me too. For anyone who still cares about the n 64? Because I do chasing the nostalgia dragon then when else remember mad tv? Or is that just me? But again, if you answer that question, are we old? If we were not really but like, kinda, um, someone said that. And this is like, for the nerds out there. What up the space between now and like current day Gen video game consoles. And, and like the Wii back in 2006 is the same span of time as the Wii is and Oh, six to like, the Super Nintendo in the early 90s. It's like the same unit of time like that. They're equal roughly equal standard deviations of each other. And that has made me feel old. Like, of all random things in life. Like that's something that makes me feel old. It's like the Wii is considered retro now.

Unknown Speaker 2:46
Yeah. Anyways, you know, I was wondering the other day, so. No, it is related. Okay, this is related. Because the other day, the other day I was driving, and I was like, Why do I think of life as a game? I was like, Oh, yeah. Because

Unknown Speaker 2:57
life is, if you didn't, life would be a joke. No, no. Because when

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we were kids, we used to play a lot of video games. So now my life is my thought processes. Everything is a game, okay? And I'm going

Unknown Speaker 3:11
off. Okay, first off, no. There's so much to unpack. There's so much to unpack about. I was just thinking competitive versus community versus collaborative play. I always think about how I'm really glad that I didn't haven't really played like a GTA game since like, sandtray is just because I'll be driving and I enjoy driving, but I drive a lot. And I'm just kind of like, Man, if I was driving and I had just been playing like a bunch of GTA I think I would genuinely kind of drive a bit more reckless without even thinking about it. Yeah, not like, I'm gonna get like a five star wanted level and go out and cause like a real life car crashes and mayhem and stuff. I'd be so used to driving in one sense that I'll be doing it for real for real and something in my brain will just be like, This feels familiar about like, not in the right way.

Unknown Speaker 4:03
I always wonder if like, if other people who play games, the ones that make bad decisions as adults, if they were influenced by those games, like just in general?

Unknown Speaker 4:12
Well, I mean, there's a large there's been a large discussion about the like, video games and other media's role in violent behavior and a lot of it's been disproven. And sometimes

Unknown Speaker 4:23
I look at someone making a decision. Okay. And then that's the really bad decision.

Unknown Speaker 4:29
Let's have some communication. And let's be cool. Yeah, because like I learned I learned that I we be friends. We Alright, rip Steve from Smashmouth yet again. It's not even his song. It's a cover song. But he did a great version of it. So I learned kind of the same thing. Working with like people younger than me years ago, and it's kind of that thing of, Alright, I'm gonna extend to you the expectations that I have and be chill when we get on the mat than they Oh, because I get upset like, you can't tell someone it is such a pain to try to explain to someone that like, the problem. The problem is less people jumping in and out and not getting a word a chance to speak in edgewise. It's that they think that every single time the conversation is happening, that it has to be, I talk and then you talk, and then I talk. And it's like these really, really long like, because like, the whole idea is like, we'd be talking. And the whole time, I'm going to be like, looking straight at you full eye contact, not blinking fully. Like, they think like active like, it's so weird. What they think active listening is because like, yeah, I will think and hear better if I'm not looking at somebody if I'm not making eye contact. Yeah, right. If I'm, if I'm, if I'm like looking off to the side, if I'm like looking down if I'm like playing with something in my hands or like twiddling my fingers or something. I am listening, being physically active in like, even small, little micro ways, a little fidgety ways, like, is me engaging, because like my mind is moving. You know what I mean? I don't know. I don't know how to describe it. You're right. But they think it's they people get super mad about it, because they don't think we're paying attention or like, I'll be you're being disrespectful, because you're not showing proper respect by maintaining eye contact. It's like, what does that have to do? Anything?

Unknown Speaker 6:28
Right? Like, I agree with that. But I do want to be better at listening in general. So yes, I do have issues with listening there is. But like you said, yeah, when we're doing our podcasts, even people you guys can go see past videos. I'm literally having a piece of paper in front of me and fiddling with something.

Unknown Speaker 6:47
Yeah, you'll see me and I'm like not looking at Boswell directly. Most of the time. I'm like looking around the table, or I'm like looking past to stop talking to each other when we're right next to like walk, I'll be talking past somebody, like I'm not gonna lie. Like, I'll be talking to them. But it's easier for me to like, not focus extremely on them. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 7:09
I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. Because it's like, yeah,

Unknown Speaker 7:10
you're right. Yeah, that was the joke. Of the thump on the table really sold it. You're fine. It's just like, I don't know, man. It's like a lot of stuff that we're told is like, oh, polite society, and like, Oh, this is what's expected. And then it's like, Why? Why are we expecting such weird like little performative things, instead of like, the quality of a conversation or like, a connection with, like, someone's like the heart of something instead of like, strictly like, being legalistic about what they're saying? It's really strange. Yeah. And

Unknown Speaker 7:44
this kind of links to when you were saying how you could do a bunch of stuff and still, like, by society standards, not not be at a certain value. Right, right. So yeah, you'll do what society wants, but then you'll either not feel like it's good enough, or the society will not feel like it's good enough. Yeah, precisely. So I just want to be a good influence for the kids or the younger adults. Every time I make a decision. I'm always overthinking my decisions or films me in a moment. I'm thinking oh, no, that's going to be the image that I'm getting like, whoever I am right now. Yeah. My influence someone else or like,

Unknown Speaker 8:21
that sounds like overthinking.

Unknown Speaker 8:23
I do I overthink a lot because I care so much about the people. Like for example, there's someone in my job, she's super young. She's like, she was she's like 21 Okay, and super young. Um, so

Unknown Speaker 8:32
I know you're not Oh, like, I'm 29 You're what? 28

Unknown Speaker 8:36
I think she's like 20 or 19. I don't remember. I don't remember. But she's so young. And I'm, I've already finished schooling, basically. But I'm just going back to school for fun. And she I could tell she looks up to me. So any decision I make at work right now is going to influence her life for a long, very long time. Geez, because she's told me she said, I look up to you. And I'm just like,

Unknown Speaker 8:56
Oh, please don't? Yeah, my

Unknown Speaker 8:58
motto right now.

Unknown Speaker 9:01
The skeleton. Thanks, but reconsider.

Unknown Speaker 9:05
Yeah, I don't know. It's hard for me to like, I want to be that role model eventually. I've in my mind, I'm not. You're

Unknown Speaker 9:12
just not ready for this thing, man. You're never gonna feel ready for it. And you're really, really not going to be Yeah, you're not gonna feel ready for it. At any point. You're not gonna like, because you're already overthinking. You will never like logically come to like, like, oh, yeah, no, now I will. I woke up today and I feel like I can finally do it. It's like, you can only really find out whether or not it's time or there's ways to go about it. Other than just jumping in so like, right yeah,

Unknown Speaker 9:46
yeah. I didn't realize you know, how you have a goal in life you decide

Unknown Speaker 9:57
your goals, like no Oh, yes, you do. He just loves to say that. No, you literally just so funny. Okay, we have goals. We don't know when we've actually gotten to that point where we've accomplished. Recently. Here's another example. There was this girl. She's 21 years old. She's homeless. She said she said she was homeless, right? I don't know if she's actually homeless or not. But I decided I want to help her. So I decided to help her pay 500 bucks for her driver's license. Wow. Wow, I was I was helping her pay rent for a while. Okay. It was like a life lesson for me. I don't know her life story or anything. I did have a lot of questions about her life. But eventually, I got her interview at that job that I'm working right now. And she did a great, she did a great job. She actually showed up she didn't interview. So I told her Oh, um, when you if you don't want to stay in the same spot in life, you got your, in your mind, you have to tell yourself, I'm going to do something else. And no matter how hard that other thing is, if you've chosen it, you decided on that thing. You have to stick to that thing. You can I said do you like what's going on right now in your life? And she's like, No, obviously. And then I was like, Okay, so let's work together. And I was at support. That's why I ended up giving her the money so that she can get the clothes ready, or, or like, or, like get her driver's license or get food or yeah, get some sleep or rest. So I gave her an opportunity. Like it just like her life. Like every time I was gonna give her less so that she can do more for herself instead of relying on me because,

Unknown Speaker 11:45
Oh, I see what you mean. Okay. She

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said I hate relying on people. I was like, okay, cool. Let me like we and often Yeah, let me slowly show you what we need to get done. Yeah. Yeah, every time I do that, she would say something. Like, instantly, like not even in the next 30 minutes. Like she would instantly say that's how I know it was like, because it's like, if it's instantly going to happen as soon as I as soon as I

Unknown Speaker 12:06
like, oh, that's when she would start saying making something. Oh, okay.

Unknown Speaker 12:10
Like if it was if it was like a day or two later, at least, believe it but since it's like 10 minutes after problem with lying

Unknown Speaker 12:17
to me he is you didn't wait long enough for it to be believable.

Unknown Speaker 12:22
I don't I actually went with it. Even though I knew she was lying. I still went with the see where it goes. Yeah. But eventually I could tell cuz she said that her mother left her life. That happens a lot for homeless youth. You know, you'll be homeless and then you're living with your mom and all of a sudden your mom drops you because she's got a different like,

Unknown Speaker 12:42
yeah, that happened. Yeah, people have Vishy like family issues. And they wind up on the street.

Unknown Speaker 12:46
Right. And the thing is with her is that she was living in a very high end apartment. And that was because someone at church and that's also believable. Yeah. But the thing is, she never let me really be a part of her life as a friend would be. So it's kind of that's when I started feeling uncomfortable. Oh, I see. Okay. Because she would be like, I can't keep giving to something that I don't understand. Yeah. Don't blindly help someone. Help them based off of what you know. Yeah. Yeah. So if I if I don't get my answers, my questions answered. And then she's making me and she's staying quiet when I'm asking her. Yeah, that's when I'm gonna start. That's true.

Unknown Speaker 13:27
Like, you're gonna you're gonna like I need no, I'm not asking personal questions. No, no, you're just like, I need to. I need to know basic stuff in order to be in the loop. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 13:37
And I know that young adults also that are homeless. They don't usually like giving any details about their life.

Unknown Speaker 13:44
I used to work with with, like, youth group kids, man, they'll lie to you too. Yeah, I one time had a kid lie to me about hiding cigarettes. I made them go find them in the desert. Yeah, exactly. It's just like that. So oh, you tried to hire let me put it this way. I didn't just be like go out in the desert and find this young man he like he threw them in he threw them in like an area of desert next to the church like trying to dispose of evidence type of thing. And I was like, No, I knew I know you through those skill given get them and give them back to me right now.

Unknown Speaker 14:12
Right, exactly that mentality where because we're older we know is like a 13 year old kid. So we know. We know those years ago. We know what they're doing. They're not they're not outsmarting us in any way. shape or form. Yeah. She said that. She's just a quiet. Yeah, give me anything to work with. Well,

Unknown Speaker 14:27
sometimes people just don't know what to say, man. Yeah, it's a thing is like, there's a lot. There's a lot you have to understand about people who are currently struggling, like is a lot of their behavior. Even when they want help, like, they're gonna have trouble asking for it asking for expressing it. They're gonna have they're gonna be quiet because because they don't know what to say because they're because it's unfamiliar territory, it's uncomfortable. The, the thing I think somebody will first off is like, you can't help someone that doesn't really want help. So if someone's struggling to even accept help, then it's not like, Oh, well leave them alone until they figure that part out. But like, it's understanding that, for people to make bigger life changes, it takes a lot of patience from people that are being supportive. And it does, it does take responsibility and accountability on the other person's part as well. So you're saying she would be doing well, and then fall back into, you know, a unhealthy behavior or pattern or something? Yeah. And it's just to understand that those things are like naturally going to happen. And it's kind of like, healing ourselves. When dealing with our own personal issues. It's, it's like progress is not linear, you're gonna have your ups and downs. And sometimes you're gonna fall a few times before you are able to get up and cross the finish line for whatever right growth it is. So that's all to consider.

Unknown Speaker 16:13
That's all true. This person though, she was pretending she wasn't in her situation. Yeah, that's when it's a whole

Unknown Speaker 16:20
new layer, a whole other world. At that point, I dealt with a I'm not saying this is her. But I've I've dealt with pathological liars before. Help them very, very much in earnest. And, you know, and this was like, Gears long, of like, helping some people and really knowing deep down, like, why I'm doing it and like, what I'm doing it for and why it matters. And although you know, how much of yourself you're giving Yeah, exactly. And everything checks out, you know, and that's all well and good. And then, and then the person might help they turn around and they change their life or, well, they change their life based on lies. You know, that's what I was worried about. And that was the thing like, I won't we have time, I guess, but

Unknown Speaker 17:09
I don't mind. Yeah, I

Unknown Speaker 17:11
helped. I helped one of my, I won't say I won't say their name, but I helped a, one of my youth group kids, back when I helped out in my church back when I used to go to church. And long story short, was this kid, I had known them since they were like, 1213, something like that. And what a lot of us in the youth group knew as leaders, youth pastor, even the other kids knew that they had this one person had a really rough home life. Well, fast forward, fast forward all these years, they turn, they're about to turn 18. They come to me and they say, um, my parents, I don't remember which parent they have at home, but my parents are kicking me out. Like, when I turned 18 And I won't have anywhere to go. And I was like, well, aren't they told me this on a youth group night was on a Thursday. They told me on a Thursday night they turn 18 They either literally just like that day or the day after, turn, turn 18 Like the timing was insane. And they're like, I'm getting kicked out. Like I have to be out. I was like, I didn't think anything of it. I was like, I trusted that kid. And I was like, Okay, well we got church we got church people that can help out you know, they know you they're familiar with you. So I for this was when I worked at a call center and that was like sapping my life away. And the other thing that I had in my in my life at the time was my ongoing church involvement. And I made that I made sure that that kid didn't have to sleep on the street for a weekend right so like a long weekend, like, first night he crashed on the couch at my, my roommates plates where I was living at the time. Next day, he stays over my mom's house. Day after that he stays over another, another person's house each day I am working relocating him while I'm at work. I'm also like school prolly No, I was at a school. I was at a school by now. Yeah, I was you know, thank you for anything I could though. But no, I was I was in I was in a job position where it was it was inconvenient to have to like constantly make excuses to be able to get up and leave my desk and this that the other so but I did that I let I let my team leads that I worked with no, I was like, Look, I'm trying to keep this kid off the street for the weekend. So sorry if I'm like, not where I'm supposed to be for, uh, like, quote unquote too long because like call center rules and stuff. But they understood I kept this kid like kept this kid housed. And eventually, you know, it was basically get him to Sunday because Sunday, he will be able to like, leave the morning church service with a family in the church that are willing to take take him in. Right. Right. Exactly. Yeah. And I won't go into detail. But that was happening with the God turned out to be a bad a bad situation. The kid made it that way. I say kid, he was already an adult by this point. He made a bad for himself. That it, it turned into a bunch of other stuff I won't get into. But basically this kid like I've helped him out in the south to say like, Oh, you did such a good thing. And then and then a turn their back on. It's not like, I don't have an ego about it's just facts. He, they, it doesn't matter. He just tried to be vague. He ends up basically alienating himself from his like, new situation. And it turns out through a bunch of series of other events that I found out by the time like the new year had come this is years ago at this point that he never was kicked out in the first place. He chose to leave his parents house. And that's where and he never He never made it obvious to us and, and for the record, and most things that he told us all for years as a child that said, Hey, this is what my home life is like, this is what I deal with on a daily basis. There was elements of truth to a certain amounts of trouble, right, exactly what it was nowhere near as dire as, as led us to believe.

Unknown Speaker 21:39
Well, that's another thing. I think that at that age, they're just so young that they don't understand what pressures they're putting on other people like yeah, guy at my work. The one who like got mad when I told him to go do something. The thing I told him to do was relieve a person off of their break. Yeah, we're just like, go give that person a break. Like, you're the only person who can relieve them. It doesn't matter if you got seniority, go give that person they're working just as hard as us.

Unknown Speaker 22:07
It's supposed to be team effort. Right? You know, right? It's like,

Unknown Speaker 22:11
yeah, it's just about them being young. They're the amount of compassion that they have at that level at that age. That's why I was kind of really clumping all the young people.

Unknown Speaker 22:24
All you young people stirs

Unknown Speaker 22:27
like, um, yeah, it's hard. It's but it's, it's we do what we can with what we've got. And sometimes we feel that it's not enough only because the wood there's no teamwork going on in thing. And then, for me, at least, I've always based my self worth off of, oh, how well did I handle that situation? Oh, so if I didn't handle the situation properly, then I would start getting tied up in my own thoughts. And I would think, Okay, did I work hard enough to try to make that situation better for so for in my situation, I took as long as I could, to stay her friend and get to know her, I made a birthday party for her too, and then live with my friends, I by inviting my friends to a karaoke. And she had so much fun. And then I did the same thing for myself and invited her sometimes people don't fully understand the full scope of what exactly is going on, in, in life, with or in their relationships with people, there's always two sides to a story. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 23:24
and the cause and effect can be a lot deeper and more nuanced than then we think.

Unknown Speaker 23:29
Right? And it's just like, for example, a relationship, let's say, your friend comes to you and they're like, this person, the worst person ever, you're gonna think this person is the worst person ever. Or if you're a good cause, my I trust my friend, I believe they're gonna give me all the detail. That one time that did happen to me, and then I'm gonna

Unknown Speaker 23:45
say if you if you can't trust your friend to give you details, I'm not your friend. Well, sometimes, outside of privacy, there's that and I say, like, you know, boundaries.

Unknown Speaker 23:54
It's actually It blows my mind how often we don't realize that there are always two versions to a story. Like for me, my friend told me about this person she was dating and how they were the worst person ever. Then fast forward, I started working with the person, and they're the nicest person that I've ever met. Right? Like, I'm like, and I genuinely had to apologize to that person. Because when they were together, I really didn't like you. Yeah, I told them that and then they're like, I really appreciate you for telling me. Like, this is like, we have to mentally train ourselves. Not to one think, oh, life is too hard. Or too I need to be somewhere else right now. I need to be doing something else.

Unknown Speaker 24:36
Is that part for me? It's it's staying where it's staying where I really would benefit from and or just continuing to show up even though it can be like sometimes I can think like, Oh, it doesn't seem like there's a point. And then I'm like, Oh no, I'm glad I hung in there at least until something else happened. You know, sometimes we just need like a rapid like repetition to be able to figure out just what we need or just what is actually working for us or not. Yeah, with the repetition,

Unknown Speaker 25:14
you're also going to need time to sleep and feeling refreshed. Let's see what we talked about the beginning of

Unknown Speaker 25:19
the movie nice. Actually, I actually slept pretty good last night. So feeling like

Unknown Speaker 25:24
you are refreshed that when when you wake up in the morning, just like when we started the beginning of the broadcast, I was like, Hey, guys, and then we start getting to serious stuff. And then now I'm like, Okay,

Unknown Speaker 25:34
I'm tired. A sleeping

Unknown Speaker 25:35
Vicki,

Unknown Speaker 25:37
I want to be left alone, for a minimum of two weeks. All right,

Unknown Speaker 25:41
I'll leave you alone know

Unknown Speaker 25:42
that you specifically just the world, I want the world to pause for like two

Unknown Speaker 25:46
weeks. I agree with you, man. Man, that would be nice.

Unknown Speaker 25:49
It's messed up to say that when locked down happened, I was, I could rest.

Unknown Speaker 25:54
I just think you now have my brain is thinking if we all had a button that pause the pause the world, the world will be constantly paused.

Unknown Speaker 26:01
Oh, you know what I want, I want that thing and a lot of RPGs where you can just like sleep for how many hours and then you just hit it. And then you like, wait as the game like loads the passage of time. And then it's like, boom, you slept eight hours. And in real life, it was like, five minutes. I need that. I just get to the points where I'm just over it. And I couldn't care less and it's in those moments that I feel the most like the most like at ease because all the weight finally just finally disappeared off of my shoulders, you know?

Unknown Speaker 26:39
Yeah, next time I think what will be a good thing for us to talk about is management. And how some tech some days you have to be still the same. You have to be basically to be a manager you have to be a consistent

Unknown Speaker 26:51
being and we're talking about how I struggle with the consistency what I struggle with stainability sustainability over consistency. Sustainability is a lot is a lot more. Because if you're having valuable

Unknown Speaker 27:05
Yeah, if you're having a bad day, then you're gonna say something and then it's gonna make someone mad and then they're gonna throw slashed your tires.

Unknown Speaker 27:11
It's like where she go with this. It's good to ask her phising and then you're like, oh, wait, no, that was actually course.

Unknown Speaker 27:19
It's so funny. Because if I ever said that to anybody, that would be an instant jail.

Unknown Speaker 27:23
Dude, I know. People get away with saying stuff to us. And I'm like, how are you? Not in trouble like with the law with other people? How do you have I don't want them to be friends and relationships. Alright, we're out here. Bye. Bye, guys. They're gonna be like, Why did you guys cut? You guys don't know how to end the podcast.

Unknown Speaker 27:47
Thanks for watching rnfl reaching out for love with baz mama.

Unknown Speaker 27:52
If you want to check us out, please go to Bosma tea at Instagram and Maria, Daniela Modica at Instagram.

Unknown Speaker 27:59
I'll see you guys later.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai