R.O.F.L. (Reach Out For Love)

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You're listening to local programming produced in KU NV studios.

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The content of this program does not reflect the views or opinions of 91.5. Jas and more the University of Nevada, Las Vegas or the Board of Regents of the Nevada System of Higher Education.

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What's up everybody? Welcome to our

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show about motivation and being yourself. That's right, which is R O. L. And I've

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reached out for love show about motivation and love being yourself being yourself. Be yourself.

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Let's find out.

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What's up everybody. Welcome back to another episode. We're back with Wesleyan Bosma new season. I guess I guess our seasons since we only do them during the semesters. Yeah, we're actually going to change up this these episodes for you guys eventually change that intro. Yeah, we're definitely

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gonna change the intro. We're going to add some extra information. Like I don't know what's thinking some games, maybe maybe we could play some games and we only have a half hour so like, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's okay. Because we got a good show. We got good stuff going on. Like, you know, it's so funny. All right. Yeah, we walk into the studio and there's Oh my god. No, I just picked my own mic. I'm like not traumatized. I'm just like, you ever get your you ever get thrown off? And like such a randomly confusing wait. So

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we're supposed to our our to record

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was a 15 to 9:15am. So but I'm not running a bit late. I'm just talking with my, like, fellow staff members, like on my way to my office, since it's my, my day back from my weekend. And so I'm walking down the hallway headed towards my office, and I can tell that the doors open. And I was like, Oh, someone let Bosma in like, oh, no, I'm a little bit running behind. Sorry, sorry. And I wasn't even there. And it was it Bosma. But like, I don't need to spell it out for an audience that can't see anything. But like, there's like an entrance room before you either walk into the control room or the actual basically the room we're in right now. Yeah, literally the room with the microphones that were sitting at right now. There was some random student that I had never seen before. But at the corner of my eye, and like seen from the side, I was like, oh, that's, that's Bosma and it wasn't you and I walk in. And she has like a laptop setup. And she just kind of sitting there like she's just taking notes and doing like, whatever. And I was like, Oh, are you recording in here this morning? She was like, No, I tutor for Spanish. And I was like, Why? Why are you in here like these? I'm gonna be honest. Like, the way I'm talking about is not the way that I went about it. Like I was very much just like, Okay, well, this is not like, a recording studio, like this is my office. I work in here like, this is for podcasting. And for radio shows. Like this is not a study space. Because she was she was quick to kind of like, she was looking at me. She was very nice. But she was like, looking at me, and kinda was like, Oh, well, I mean, I can go to the library. Yeah, I was like, why wasn't in my mind. I'm like, the library is the first place you go or study. Or like, or the student knew. Yeah, anyway, anywhere, but because I had to lock that door. Like I have a key to that outer door. So there's equipment in here. There's equipment and headphones and like, like instruments and stuff, like stuff that we don't want people to have access to when they don't have any music business to be in here. It literally literally says restricted access only on the wall. She's just chillin I actually walked into while he was talking to her. And I was just like, I was just about to talk to her because I was just kind of had a moment where I'm like, Okay, well, let me at least turn my computer on and get prepped for recording. Yeah, ladies, this student is going to be out of here. That's not your space. I walk in and I'm like, Hey, who's that? Yeah, I don't know, either.

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I did. I'm so sorry. But yeah, at first glance, I was like, that's gotta be Bosma you're not.

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Literally, we've been saying that ever since it happened. It's kind of funny way to describe it. So I like very kindly. I'm like, yeah, no, this is not a study space. This is not like I asked her to and this is like the most pointed question I asked. I was like, have you been doing this? Like,

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have you been coming? Yeah.

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I told her I was like, I work here. I work in here, like Tuesdays through Thursdays and like, I've been here all times of day and night, in the course of this job thus far. So like,

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if someone's gonna be in here before I'm here, I'm expecting them to be here, right, right. Or it's someone who, for whatever reason, could be in here like one of my one of my

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have coworkers or another student who reserved time with and cleared it with somebody else? I don't know. I think it's just like a lack of knowledge. Like, I'm just wondering how, because I lock the door every time I leave, like every time I leave for the night, I always lock the door. So I don't I don't know if someone came in yesterday when I wasn't here since you know, I don't work Mondays. But

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I don't know if someone came in and like just forgot to lock it and she was able to come in. But like, I'm just curious what that thought process is. I can't explain this. I need to tutor people in Spanish. I need a place to go. What seems like a good place to go into your pupil for Spanish. I would need an explanation for I need an excellent I require an explanation. Like I'm not even mad. I'm confused. Yeah, I think I understand where her logic because like, when are you sure about this? She looks kind of young. Again, she is like this. I looked and I was like you're definitely a student. But like when I was younger, though, it was like in my 20s I did go around.

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Like wildly. Okay. Okay, early 20s, early 20s. When I was I was I would walk around the whole campus and just look for like, random spots that I thought looked cool to study and I don't even know why. Because vibes like it. Yeah, exactly. Something that helps with with studying is being in a in a in a good environment, a good environment, whatever that mean, however, that hits you, you know, so I just want to know how

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she's like, Oh, well, microphone.

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For whom? Wow. I could use this for my students. There's so much room for activities. She's actually a tutor. So that's that's shows she's she's thinking about her students because there's like four C's here. Yeah. Talk to you. It's like you walked into like an LSAT prep center or something. Yeah, I'm just so confused. Because, yeah, you need a special key to open that door. Not everyone has that. No one's just gonna let you in for no reason. So either. Like someone had to have left it unlocked by accident yesterday when I wasn't here. Sure. It's not unlocked. like by the time she got here. Well, actually, it was wide open. Yeah, it was wide open. i That's why I thought someone else had to be I figured because you're you. You'll ask people like, Leslie here. Can you? Yeah. I wouldn't be surprised if you just like got yourself in there. Right.

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Like, it tripped me out, man. I'm just it's the way that she responded to you. That was the funniest. She was like, Oh, I'm just, I'm just here to tutor and then you're like, what? She acted like, this is normal. Yeah, she like she's done this.

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How many of the places that she showed up like, these are the same Leslie's face. It was just like, straight up confusion. I was so confused. I'm still confused. Because like, we're Public Radio and everything. But like, this is not like an out and out public space. Like people don't show up here for nothing. They, you know, if they have nothing going on, and they're here, it's because someone wants to pop by and say hi or something. It's not like Yeah, honestly, I guess it depends on the person because if I didn't understand radio at all, and I just see all these microphones. I don't I wouldn't even think twice about it. I'd be like, Oh, look a desk. No desk looks familiar. Yeah, you have to make an effort to get in here. This is not I walked in off the street. Like, you know, it's kind of funny how many times I've walked into a place and not read the sign. Like Xenos like open or closed door signs are like pretty crazy to me, apparently.

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No, it's just because like, sometimes you're just walking. And you're like, I don't feel like thinking like

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I can't turn my brain off dog. Like, no, that's a good thing. I know. It's not I try to I want to sleep and my brain won't shut up man. ruminate Jesus reading everything. No name tags. No, it's rumination. It's like I can't not my brain is always somehow active. And unless I am like, unless I am just tired or have nothing really to think about you have selective hearing at all, because I do what I have selected the hearing and select it. I have like no because you're like you have select the hearing and I was like what? Oh

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I don't want to know what I was talking about listening. Sorry. I don't know. Like, I'm serious. Like I have selective hearing and selective thinking. Like if I

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I think that's a thing times there's no thoughts at all. Yeah, for reals though. No, honestly, you ever just go on autopilot when you're driving and then you get home and you're like how did I get here? I guess saying that I'm not thinking is not the the most like accurate way to describe it, but I will go on autopilot. But like I'm still thinking right right. Just not not in the present. Yeah, that's exactly what maybe it's maybe it's associated maybe she was like super stressed out about her students and then like just concerned that material and she's like, I need chairs and tables. I need door door open. I need walk in like, like the most basic thought of like, just get into a room and sit down. Right, right. Yeah, that's, that's what I was talking about. Sounds like that sounds like me when I was like my first semester as a student and I was just

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The most extreme ball of nerves to the point that like, my, my thoughts really came out like caveman speak like, I that's exactly what we don't sound like that. But we're thinking, Yeah, my brain sounds like that. Yeah, well sometimes people think I'm mocking them when I do like a random other voice and I'm like, No, I'm giving a voice to like what my thoughts sound like? Yeah, exactly. I can't explain how many times like, I'll be in my head, and people will be like, are you okay? Because you know, I talk a lot. So most Oh, no, really? Yeah, like,

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that's why I'm on the radio. I was gonna say Bosma I think on all of my time being around you. There's more. There's more times I've heard you speak than me. Yeah, cuz I'm always slaps the time of friendship with Bosma. Her speaking.

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Like,

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the most sexist jerk. That's really just your personality. That's my personality. And, and I know this because I've been meeting so many people, and they'll be like, they'll be like, You need to like, just sit and listen, you're

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basically shut your mouth. So I took their advice. And I was like, Alright, let me next day. I'm just not going to talk. I'm gonna be really quiet. I'm gonna listen. So the way you make adjustments is literally like a pendulum swinging. Yeah. You're like, you're like middle ground. There's no such incremental change. Never.

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I've told my friend though, before I said, there's it's only black or white. That's it.

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There's no gray yourself. So I'm either all in or I'm all out yet. So I'm telling you, man, we need to go to therapy. Not like we'll show up to therapy together. And they'll be like, Oh, couple issues. It's like, No, we're just like, we're just, we're just in it. Like, we don't have issues between us. We just are issues. And we're connecting on the fact that yeah, we need help. I've had to learn that there's the gray area. Because remember, like, yes, shades things have shades. Yeah, it's just funny, because I think I have shades for other things in my life. Yeah, your eyes. Yeah. Yeah. Like.

Unknown Speaker 11:59
Oh, that's funny. Um, that's the first episode of the new semester, because the first episode of the new semester is just like the first class of classes of the week. And you're just like, Yeah, nothing matters. We're here. Basically, as formalities. We can do whatever we want. No one really cares. The first week of class on the last week of class, if you don't account for tests really are the same in terms of nothing matters. We're just starting, or just It depends, depending on what subjects are they are because I know my test notwithstanding. Oh, yeah, cuz I know my science course is really crazy like this. The last exam is everything. And then you're like, Whoa, that's why that's why when I was a student, and I, my first semester, I took five classes instead of four, because I was pushed to overachieve. beyond my limits. So I tried to do five, and it didn't work out too well. And I also suck at math. So I, I put myself in a math class to satisfy the gen ed requirement, but it was actually a class higher than I needed to take

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in order to like just satisfy the better did you take calculus? No, I got no, no, I took I forget what but it was like, it was just algebra, but it wasn't like, okay, high school algebra one. It was like comprehensive all of high school and like, beginning of science. So the reason I'm asking is because I'm not science, math, but yeah, it was too much. I actually failed it on the test. We're just like that. It was like, it was like, everything on this test was in that chapter. And I'm like, Man, I you could you could tell me anything was in that chapter. And I believe you like what teachers do matter. Like to make a difference? Yeah, they do make a big difference. If they don't teach it well, then yeah, it doesn't matter if you as the as the teacher know something, it's that you're able to convey that information. Yeah, indicate to others and if you struggle to do that, or at worst refuse to do it, right, or what I saw a lot with like, what I assume I get the feeling this happens a lot with like the more introductory level classes that have like, they use like the giant auditorium spaces for for the class size and all that is like those are the classes where the professor is more likely to just shove all the work onto their TA and just not care because the TA for that math class was really cool. But like couldn't make up for the fact that like the professor during the lecture, just like didn't care if you understood it was just like here's the information use it yeah, there's there's what you're talking about is a big like subject because when it comes down to the teacher, if they don't teach you properly, it's all up to you like yeah, and learn the math is not like if Yeah, if I needed to figure out if I need to figure out like something to do with English and linguistics and you know, the softer stuff, no problem when it comes to like math and science. I'm like, No, I need I need help. Like, I need guided help. I need a teacher. Yeah, for math. I think like some people

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Have a good time with the book. And then some people have a very terrible time reading the Bible. And so yeah, I think especially, especially for math, I need someone to like, yeah, I can I can read the book. And I can like, I understand that this is math stuff. But yeah, I need I need that translated into like, I have a similar helped me understand the concepts. Yeah, there's also a language. Yes. And it's like one that I don't understand it. That's actually me. Not with math. For some reason. I understand the math, but I don't understand music. Like, I'll be read as crazy thing. Yeah, but but the actual theory, theory, the music theory is like, God would like unless someone explains it to me, I'm just gonna be like, that's the thing. No, and that's actually, like, I'm much of the same mind. Like, I was like, middle school choir kid. But I don't know how to read sheet music. You know, I couldn't tell you what, like notes or keys. Anything is in or what does this another language? What musical idea or motif for example, I'm like, I don't know. But if you describe if you if you describe the thing from the example, and then you give me a name or a term. Oh, okay. Yeah, exactly. probably remember that? You know, with some reinforcement going forward, but like, Yeah, I'm not going to just hear that and be like, oh, yeah, that's, that's like, oh, yeah, that was that was. I mean, obviously, I could hear a crescendo. But like, let's say, I didn't know what a crescendo was. Yeah, exactly. You'd be like, Wait, what is that? Yeah. Or like, it's like trying to describe a fruit to somebody. And then you're like, what is it? What is the fruit tastes like? Okay, well, I don't I don't know. I need to taste it. Oh, well, just tell me what it tastes like. Yeah. And there's different classes itself. Yeah, exactly. There's like different classes to like, there's the there's the music listening course. And then there's the music theory course. Yeah. And they coincide with each other. They work together. But like, if even with them both. If I still don't have anyone explaining to me, I'm going to be lost. Some people, some people, they're like, amazing with just reading the book. And they're like, oh, yeah, I know everything now. And I'm like, Oh, that's my cousin man. He is like a savant with music. And he makes his own stuff, but he likes he was he like, he basically, not only did he like what I think was he offered to or did actually skip grades in elementary school. But then, when he did, like, an intro band, in sixth grade, within like, a month or two, the teacher was like, I'm gonna put you in advanced, I'm gonna put you in like, the, the, the 11th 12th grade, not this is middle school. He's like, I'm gonna put you in like, the eighth grade class, because you, uh, he picked up everything. Immediately, we were talking about listening. And I was telling you how, how I was just, I was like, I was telling you how I was quiet. And I was just like, really, like, just staring. And sometimes me being quiet. It's just me literally thinking, and I'll be like listening to you. And I think it makes people feel uncomfortable. And what I've realized about myself throughout the years, is that I'm so goofy sounding and like, I was like, well,

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because surely, I'm always trying to make people feel comfortable around me. And that's why I'm like that. And then when you speak with professionals, though, they start looking at you like, why are you acting like that? Yeah, see, I don't change that for myself. Because I know it like. Like, I'm like, I'm a whole I'm a whole human being. But like, I have character, you know, like, I have a personality. It's, I would much rather just be me in a different environment, then change myself, like, change change myself for that environment. I'm really struggling with that. Because I'm so used to just being this like, cable tracer. Yeah, this Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay, sure.

Unknown Speaker 18:33
I'm not saying because I'm not accusing you of anything. I'm not guilty of myself. Just like I'm realizing how much of a people pleaser I am. Yeah. And it's starting to like, bite me when the glass shatters, and you like the self awareness like extends that far. You're like, Oh,

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yeah. It's like, what did they do to us? It's so bad. It's actually really bad. Because I'm like, every little thing I like, even just forgiving people just like, I forgive people. Like, so easily. Yeah, me too. And that keeps hurting me. Yeah. I'm better at it. Now. I kind of look forward to telling people No, I kinda, I've really come a long way. I look forward to being able to tell people no now. Yeah, because most of my life I wasn't no was not an option. You felt unsafe. It meant constantly. Consequences. It was just like, bad. I could not I could not say no, unless it was like, a genuine conflict that just like, did not allow me to be there to do the thing and say yes, I've been told no. So much in my life that like for me, it's the opposite. I'm like, yeah, like no. Well, I don't want to say no, because that's like the worst thing to me. I don't know. I've been told no, my whole life. It's just a little bit too, like, it's so much opposite extreme was gonna say there's so much breadth to it. But like in that in those moments, there's not a lot of depth.

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I will say no to anyone cuz I don't want to make someone feel like that. Yeah, like did you can say you can tell people No. And it's not like personal. Yeah, it's literally not personal and it's okay. Like,

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it goes into overdrive and I'm like, I don't want them

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just get real nervous. super worried about it. Yeah, I do know that my teacher recently invited me to go to the Smith Center, and perform and be like a black background singer. Oh, cool. But like the topic was like, Oh, wait, do I want to say yes to this? Oh, it was just like a weird song that someone no offense, I'm not gonna say so. It was just a some it was something that I was not familiar with. Not familiar, but I don't explain it. Like where you're like, I don't agree with this. Like, I wouldn't perform this. Like it's not your style. Yeah, it was something that wasn't my style. And I I don't agree with music. I'm looking at those lyrics and being like, that's gross. Yeah, yeah, basically. Yeah. So So something I didn't agree with. So I didn't know how to tell him because it's such a big opportunity. song sucks.

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No, it wasn't that the songs like it was just like, the song actually sound. The music was awesome. And I really liked it a lot. It was just like, I didn't know how to say no, because I didn't want him to not give me another opportunity. Almost Yes, he gets really sensitive about this. Some people do take things personally, they take no especially especially when it comes to things that like, like, that's their whole life. Well, not just is their whole life when you're dealing with like arts and music and performance. It cannot. It can never be 100%. Like, objective, there's always going to be a part that is personal. Because, like, that's inherent in performance that's inherent in art. So like, yeah, you know, it's like how band members collaborate, right? Because everyone's pitching ideas, and just some are gonna make the cut and some aren't. And it's just like, oh, man, it's just an idea. I'm not married to it. But like when after you've like sunk so much time into things, or you really feel you nailed something, or just whatever, you feel a bit more of, like a bit deeper of a connection. And then someone's just like, oh, that just be like, amen. Okay. Oh, that hurts a little. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You know, it'll hit people different at different times. Yeah, that's where my concern was, I would, I would, I would like to think that in the context of you working around like, professionals, that they don't have a professional mindset of, oh, I don't have feelings, and nothing bothers me. But just kind of to understand, like, we're talking about things that can't help but be a little personal. So like, that's understood. And then just, I don't like this because it's a me thing. Not a you thing. I don't agree with this. Yeah. So I said in a very respectful way, and then I find out literally the day of that, like, I can't even make it because I have another gig that I got. Okay, with the Super Bowl, which I'll tell you guys about after it's done. Yeah, cuz because they said it's like no disclosure on it. Yeah. You guys will probably hear about this after I'm done with it. Yeah, I'm excited because I can't wait to be underwhelmed by the Super Bowl. Yeah, because there's the Super Bowl of like, public perception. And then there's a Super Bowl of I was there. And I was like, doing what? Yeah, and that changes everything. Yeah, what? As a fan in the stands. Oh, no, man. Oh, you were doing stuff behind the scenes. And oh, okay. Okay, sure. That's interesting. Yeah, there's a lot to say. We'll talk about that in the next episode will always put themselves in the seats. Never behind the scenes. Yeah. But yeah, whenever I'm quiet, my friends are always like, are you okay? Is everything okay? I don't really like that. They get like that, because then it makes me feel like I'm not allowed to just chill. Sometimes. I don't notice. Oh, no, I understand. Because I would feel that way too. But it's like, like, they'll tell me, they'll be like, it's not like you. You're not being yourself, or you should be more talkative. Okay. So if they're, if they're saying it like that, then like, they just want more information, though. Yeah, then it's more just like they're really concerned. But it might be getting like, in the way kind of concern. Yeah, you know, and I always I see people, like, I clock when people are like, coming from a good place, like genuinely like that all the time. And it's easy for me to like, kind of just take the like, take the edge away, like literally just snatch it out of the out of the situation and be like, Nah, it's cool. I'm just like, people Contain Multitudes, man. Yeah, like sometimes like, it's like a growth thing. Almost. Yeah. Growing, going into someone, or just, we're analyzing and we're turned. I don't know. It's dude. Life is literally just being self aware of cause and effect. Yeah, exactly. That's it. Yeah. And the reason why I've been getting quiet is because I'm working with this makeup artist. She's mostly like, you know, you're you're really good with talking with people, she said, but there's a time to speak and then there's a time tonight and then I was like, okay, that's actually good advice. And I'm bad about that. So she was kind of

Unknown Speaker 25:00
mean about it in some ways? No, I'm not gonna say me and sorry. She was very upfront and told me you know, there's time to speak there's I'm not and then there's time to be goofy like like sometimes when we're filming videos I'll be like, Hey guys, what's up? What's up? Everybody's everything's great and then she'll be like, Okay, that's not you like if you tone it down Yeah, it's less and see that's less about like Don't be goofy and it's more so just like that's not natural. Yeah, that's not if you're gonna be goofy that's not organic. Yeah, didn't come out and I'm so used to that goofy side that I'm just like Wait Wait, I thought that was natural. My people pleasing Oh no. Yeah, people pleasing while I'm not even around people.

Unknown Speaker 25:39
Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 25:41
Just like this is the this is who I want to be and it's just like, you can just be that oh my god did you use did you use to act different when you were a people pleaser? Or more of a people pleaser before saying no, outside of like, just like, showing different parts of ourselves to different people. Because, like, again, people contain multitudes. Like, in terms in general. Like I feel like I would be less of myself or show less of myself or like, minimize my self, whether it's my actions or my presence, or like how much of me and my personality comes out I think I did that and that really came out of like, I didn't always feel safe and it wasn't that it wasn't like oh I'm I'm in a dangerous environment right it's like I wasn't settled inside I was I was upset inside think it's like an anxiety thing. It literally is like it's just me living in survival mode and and like anxiety like the the pushes and pulls and ups and downs of like anxiety and depression like combination Yeah. And I was very aware of the physical and emotional feelings and the mental effects way before they would occur wave No, not before they ever occur as they were occurring. But way before I had the the understanding and the language, or even the people around me to be able to express like, I'm not just sad because something sad happened you know, I'm not just anxious because something alarming just happened. Like I just wake up and feel like this or it starts getting dark outside and I start getting sad or like, or like dark and then you started getting scared about death way too much for being like five years old, right? Which was true. So like I didn't be five years old. Yeah, my first existential crisis when I learned how time worked on the calendar when I was four or five saying psychology that you like don't usually remember things until you're like at least five so that means I remember stuff when I was four but it's not it's not a whole lot that song that I said I didn't want to do or not I wasn't really like feeling it was it was a dark humor type song and I was like, oh well

Unknown Speaker 28:00
I'm trying to have Yeah, no, that's that's not really what I'm into. So I'm just gonna not really my five Yeah. So it's okay to say no. And next time we'll talk more about

Unknown Speaker 28:10
ways to say no how to feel comfortable saying no, because that's actually something Yeah, I'm struggling with like no, it was a complete sentence as well. And if it makes people upset to hear that like when you say that to them, that says more about them than you just keep saying keep saying no when when people and situations make you genuinely like uncomfortable or upset Yeah, and it depends on the situation to When is it okay to just say no and when is that like why do you have to give Yeah, don't don't be heartless but like also like there's ways to advocate for ourselves without like being heartless you know? Yeah, putting our foot down unfortunately is putting our foot down but like you said good form of boundaries it real it's literally boundaries. It's like literally boundaries and man if I don't feel guilty every time I do it, but then I feel really good once I'm like, the world didn't end and there's a there's a way to do it. Like we'll talk about the times it's it's like acceptable to say no and then when it's unacceptable like for example, like you can't say yes and then say no, like, I was gonna say the contradictory aspects of like, yes and no push and pull. Alright, let's get out of here. Alright guys, thanks for coming by. We'll see you guys next time.

Unknown Speaker 29:22
So he saying no, say no. By No.

Unknown Speaker 29:29
Thanks for watching rfl reaching out for love with Boz mama.

Unknown Speaker 29:34
If you want to check us out, please go to Bosma tea at Instagram and Maria, Daniela Modica at Instagram. See you guys later.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai